Pulp Fiction:
Random Encounter, a very short story.

The Man Who Flew Too Much
The first page of the first chapter of the zillionth unfinished novel

Synopsis
of plays written between 1999 and 2004
Ghatkopar Zindabad:
Originally published in Time Out.

Simulation Today
A paper on simulacra and simulation in contemporary popular culture by Khushboo Ranka

Mumbai & Me
An extension of the Ghatkopar essay - written for the Hannover Film Festival

The Cheeky Guide to Instant Art House Success
The Clichés of World Cinema and Scholarly Film Criticism

The Man Who Flew Too Much (the essay)
Planned as a video essay, with one man talking to the camera for 90 minutes.

Blog

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Ghatkopar

"Ahmedabad must be a local call from here," my friend Vipul Binjola had wondered when he had first come to Ghatkopar. "So is Edison," I had rejoined. I could very well identify with the culture shock he was experiencing, for it hadn't been very long since I had experienced it first.
It was all new place, new school, and new friends for me. I had put my arm around a girl's shoulder and had appalled an entire class, whose confidence and admiration I had worked so hard to win. Mitesh had almost led a boycott against me. I couldn't understand the big deal as I came from a very chilled out cosmo co-ed in Borivali. That was ten years ago. A lot has changed since then. Mitesh, today, is one of the most progressively thinking individuals I know. I'd hated this gujju-kutchi ghetto lovingly labeled "mini-Gujarat", then. I love it now.

Ghatokopar is one of those rare places in Mumbai that don't have any history of a film shoot. The only celebrities it hosts are gujju theatre starlets, who play to fan-packed-but-late-filling-houses at Zaverben Hall and go back to anonymity and film dreams in their Juhu and Lokhandwala abodes. (There are a little more than thirty Jain Jagruti social groups in Ghatkopar, which means that there's a mainstream Gujarati play showing almost everyday here.) So when it came to shooting the impossible two long uncut shots through seventeen locations in Rajawadi for my film, I saw enthusiasm rising in all the Ghatkopar archetypes - The aunty who still respects me for an infernal soap opera I wrote for more than four years ago, the glamour struck soft hearted cop PSI Koli (who has written a screenplay on police encounters and is looking for a producer), the self appointed social worker (who, on our very first meeting "frankly" told me with a wink that he can provide help for any matter, legal or illegal), the rikshawwala Rahul (who did a ShahRukh impression when I offered him money, "Ahey, apan dil se dosti karta hai, jeb se nahin"), my rehearsal space sponsor and neighbour Mr. Makwana (like all Gujjus who have seen my film, he still calls it a "documentary"), and a whole-lot-of-'em. My local cablewala (the name "Rajesh Cable" is as Ghatkopar as you can get), to whom I am deeply indebted for my taste in world cinema, (is there any other cablewala in Mumbai who shows a No Man's Land even before it wins the Oscar?) and initiation into soft porn, also became the first to show my film long before it was hailed abroad. Now he shows it as often as his all time favourite film Mohra.

I've noticed that the gujjus of Ghatkopar take their fiction very seriously. "How dare you guys play with our feelings like that!" We were posing as Star Plus crew members and capturing immediate people's reaction in a public park just after Mihir's infamous death in Kyunki Saas Bhi... The feeling this gentleman (dressed in Hargovindas Bagaria's starched white lengha jabba, a Ghatkopar Sunday must) was voicing, resonated a campaign my grandmother led against a writer of a weekly magazine fiction series for shuffling off the protagonist's mortal coil. In both the cases, of course, the creators had to bring the character back to amnesic life.

Apart from its passionate fiction fans, Ghatkopar suits me best because of its collective zest for food, vegetarianism and life. The majority here is lacto-vegan, and a free service called Karuna makes sure that any animal in need of medical care be given immediate treatment. Though non-violence is apparently in the air, there's some Narendra Modi following as well. I, however, want to believe that it's only because of his promotion of garba. There's hardly a society compound here that doesn't host a garba event during the nine nights of celebrations. Ghatkopar becomes Ibiza.

Over the years, I've seen the place grow with me. The peer pressure of the majority (businessmen / women and CAs) is not stopping a lot of people from opting for alternative careers. Tastes have changed, moralities liberated and self analysis has increased. My best friends Mitesh and Swati have married and Mitesh no longer feels shy in buying condoms from the medical store around the corner. (And in Ghatkopar East, believe me, everybody does know everybody!).

 

 
     
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
     

 

 

 

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Simulation Today

The story of Narcissus falling in love with his own image is perhaps the most critical metaphor about human history. We are fascinated by ourselves; by the shared humanity in others and us. We have placed ourselves at the center of our universe by placing the questions of “Who am I? Where do I come from? Where do I go?” at the center of philosophical inquiry. And we have usually attempted answers in our favorite form: Anthropomorphic Story-telling.  Narcissism has consciously and sub-consciously, ruled human imagination and driven artistic, intellectual, spiritual and technological developments along its derived goal of immortality through duplication.  The journey of imagination, from the early cave paintings to the fabricated environments of today, has been characterized by the desire to see ourselves as we are or as we want to be and to achieve permanence for our own reflection, which a mirror or even life does not afford. By virtue of its relative immortality, the image becomes the thing it represents. Or semiotically speaking, the sign becomes the signified.

This phenomenon of the artificial representation becoming the represented real has become an important study in the framework of Postmodernism. Modern society is characterized by a newfound ability to control the world of nature and worlds of illusion. People have the power to create their own personal Utopias and thereby satisfy their innate narcissistic trait. Imagine Narcissus with the power to make almost ‘real’ and live with the image he fell in love with.  In the ‘Age of Simulations’ power produces; it produces reality; it produces domains of objects and rituals of truth, which people engage with and act out desires that are otherwise elusive to action and experience.

Even though the idea of Simulations is conceptually identified with Postmodern theory, it has been one of the recurring and central motifs in the works of many literary critics, cultural theorists and philosophers over time. This is mainly because of its dubious character of being a falsehood that is true to the truth. Philosophers have often deliberated upon the relationship between emotions elicited by simulations and the responsibility of the mass audience in reacting to these ‘false’ emotions: whether the audience gets manipulated or is able to maintain the distinction between the real and the artificial. Plato’s allegory of The Cave of Shadows and his grudge against art being ‘thrice removed from The Real’ also stemmed from these concerns. However, the concern today is compounded due to our situation in a semiurgic economy of potent profit generating industrial complex, producing simulations to contend with reality in the race for realism. Ultimately, reality turns into a simulation making the difference indistinguishable.

Simulations depend on their quality of drawing in an audience into the communicated content. There could be an immersion in the visual image wherein the viewer gets absorbed into the projected imagery; physical immersion in which we are actually inside the simulation; sensory immersion in which we have the illusion we are inside the simulation (sometimes a number of senses are played to at the same time); responsive simulations which create a sense of interaction, participation or control. The most important element is the psychological absorption in the story, the presence of some kind of narrative or roughly coherent setting, which helps the audience to find its place within the simulation and perhaps provide a framework for cathartic closure. Today the complex interplay of these different kinds of simulations in story-based representations like role-playing games, amusement and fantasy parks and 4-d Cinema Houses promise to dish out experiences ‘even better than the real thing’. 

In Role-playing games the participants assume the roles of characters and collaboratively create stories. Children play many games where they create a setup with props, rules and characters and perform within that setup. They may be in a house or a dispensary or even a mock-business. This fascination for vicariously living out characters remote to one’s own life and reality, is also what makes role-playing video games work. They try and incorporate more and more comprehensive storylines to engage players emotionally while giving them the power to manipulate events and consequences. The introduction to a popular video game starts like this:

“You are Cloud Strife, a renegade with memories of a dark past. As a former member of the military group Soldier you have turned to fight alongside a resistance movement ...”

The exciting story and the direct address immediately makes the player the character. The latest trends in games are evolving to put the ‘player-character’ in the middle of life’s mundane routines. The Sims is a ‘strategic life simulation computer game’. It does not involve a time-bound competitive goal but puts the player in control of ‘lives’ of virtual people which includes sleeping, cooking, bathing, shopping, socializing and even courting. Will Wright, the game's designer, likes to refer to it as a "digital dollhouse." Thus making it a simulation of a simulation.

Online games like SecondLife.com have taken this concept a step further by providing different players (usually from different parts of the world) with virtual space and personas to come together and interact:

“There is a world of busy cities, beautiful tropical islands, dense forests and mysterious deserts. You can lead an Earth-like existence there. Only, it resides on the Internet”

SecondLife.com is exactly that: an alternative existence where you can choose to have a bull’s head instead of a ‘humanoid’ one, exhibit your art, choose a virtual career, marry other users while being involved in a real world relationship. You can also hire a virtual detective to spy on your virtual spouse and check if they are cheating on you. There is also a confinement cell for transgressors of general decorum. The difference between ‘The Sims’ and these online games is that while in the former you are interacting with preset character modules, the latter involves other player-characters compounding the game dynamics with heightened life-likeness

The spatial challenge involved in transcending the barrier between the screen and character-players disappears when all the senses are treated with false stimuli in fabricated environments. Amusement and Fantasy parks are pioneers in creating these multiple microcosms that promise realization of some of our fantastic parallel existences, an Instant-Mix for far-off intangible existence and landscapes brought to the doorstep of the busy consumer.

A representative example is the ‘Honey, I shrunk the Audience’ ride. It takes off from the movie ‘Honey I shrunk the kids’ where Professor Wayne Szalinski has shrunk the audience in an experiment gone wrong. What follows are enlarged 3-D images of a dog, python and duck which make the audience feel ‘shrunk’. But it is a 4-D ride which means coordinating other sensory effects along with the visuals to ‘make you feel what you are watching’. So it has movable seats, mist sprays, air jets and rubber tubing to simulate effects such as shrinking, air, rain, crawling mice etc. This ride not only dissolves the physical distance between the player and the simulation but also creates another physical illusion of ones own reduced size. Another ride at the Universal Studio that mutates the limits of time is ‘Back to the Future’. Even far-off places don’t seem to be far off in realistic recreations of natural environments.

An example is the Lied Jungle

“The Lied Jungle was the Omaha Zoo's first total immersion exhibit. Guests see, touch, smell, hear and become part of the natural rainforest environment … All man-made amenities are blended with live plants and animals to almost make the difference unidentifiable… Mechanical devices not native to a jungle, such as air ducts, filters and light fixtures, are hidden in the walls and rocks.”

This description from the Zoo’s official website reinforces and checks the reality quotient at the same time. While the makers take pride in the level of naturalistic accuracy, they continue to maintain that it is after-all a simulation, a ‘Lied’ landscape. This is quite the playing out of the Descartesian premise that the world perceived through our senses cannot be trusted and only our faculty of thinking provides evidential reliability. The audience continues to remain aware of their suspension of disbelief. However as one starts getting into the realm of the Hyperreal this awareness also starts to blur.

Hyperrealist paintings are an example of highly deceptive simulations. They try to achieve acute likeness to photographic images. So much so, that they incorporate photography glitches like blurs, flashes, distortions etc. This painting is called “after Klein”, acrylic on canvas by Frank Egloff:

Hyperrealists consider photographs to be a simulacrum, a representation of a captured instance. They use it to build a representation of a representation of reality.

The serial art of artistes like Gerhard Richter and Andy Warhol involves increasingly continuous simulations. They revisit their own works not in an attempt of improvement, but simply as a self-reflexive gesture of the illimitability and scope for perpetual reproduction. The Warhol prints of Last Supper and Mona Lisa, for example, are self-referent in their notions of repetition and reproduction. Gerhard Richter ‘serialized’ a picture by passing it through four techniques of reproduction respectively – photography, oil painting, photography and offset print.

The iconization of one simulation through the medium of another, reproducible ad infinitum, is an exercise in the destruction of the ‘Aura of the Original’. It suggests that there are always more images beyond the frame.

Hyperrealist fiction is similarly misleading in its appearance. The pseudo-essays of Borges used the non-fiction form of essay to communicate its fiction. The film ‘Blairwitch Project’ employed the documentary look which is generally associated with objective documentation of reality. The result was that many people came out thinking ‘it really happened’. This identifying of reality with a simulacrum is also seen when contemporary films like ‘Catch me if you can’ evoke the depicted era by trying to achieve the same Eastman tinge and look seen in films of that era, supplemented similarly by music and fashion. The reason for this phenomenon can again be attributed to the fact that we have access only to images of the past and not the past itself.

Hyperrealist art could become a model for the way reality can be manipulated to seem what its not. The awareness of a simulation being a false reality starts dissipating gradually with unrelenting pervasiveness of images: when you see something for long enough you end up believing that it’s been around forever. What was true about Fascist Propaganda before World War II has ironically manifested itself in the way Corporations manage to seduce the public with images of shiny superficiality and their subliminal presence. This is also the thrust of Adorno and Horkheimer’s postulation about the ‘Culture Industry’ which is responsible for ‘comfortably numbing’ the minds of consumers who become addicted to the pleasure of immediate and momentary gratification. This allows them to operate in a pseudo democratic set up where consumers cannot transgress the limit of provided choices, with alternative choices systematically eliminated or blocked out of view.

Over the years corporations like Disney, McDonalds, Time-Warner etc have grown to claim a large share in the semiurgic economy. They produce films, merchandise, resorts, food and other image propagating enterprises that have imprinted their presence in public memory all over the world. This propagation is marked by standardization, stereotype and conservatism and according to Marcuse it indoctrinates and manipulates to promote a false consciousness, immune against its own falsehood.

However, Marx has described culture itself as a creation of subjective reality by the individual. It is therefore a fiction created by us to immerse ourselves in. Indeed even the origins of religion can be traced to idols, puppet-like masks and cave-paintings that formed part of the magical rituals of ancient men living in caves. To illustrate this further we can examine Frye’s view that "At the level of ordinary consciousness the individual man is the center of everything, surrounded on all sides by what he isn't. At the level of practical sense, or civilization, there's a human circumference, a little cultivated world with a human shape.. But in the imagination anything goes that can be imagined, and the limit of the imagination is a totally human world."

Thus, according to Frye we are confronted with an ‘inhuman’ world and our response is reconstructing our physical environment to make it more facilitative to our needs. We build roads, farms, cities, etc. Traffic regulation rules, governance hierarchies, language and other social institutions can be identified as contractual simulations accepted for their functionality. In conclusion, it would not be wrong to say that simulations are inextricably linked to the human mind, becoming projections and potential realities for the same.

The point is that simulations lie on the continuum of real and artificial which are so seamlessly connected that it is not possible to identify where one ends and another begins. A life stripped of all simulations would be meaningless. Perhaps this is the central dilemma of existence, as also identified by Nihilism: To be or not to be is the same thing.

- Khushboo Ranka

 

 
     
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mumbai and Me

Every Megapolis is like and unlike every other. They have the same kind of modern histories and the same kind of recurring histories. Heavy industrial growth, labour strikes, student revolts, urban pull, immigrations, displacements, mega shutdowns, multiple languages, social diversities, dramatic economic inequalities, art produced for mass consumption, underground art movements reacting to the mainstream, cultural fusions, (a comparatively more) liberal citizenry, infinite choices, the illusion of infinite choices, cruel pace, corporatisation, monoculturisation, simultaneous existence of many utopias and many dystopias, terrorism paranoia and the need to move on, no matter what. Having been born and brought up in a city makes it impossible to objectively determine how the city influences your work – because the answer is that it does in every single way. The city breathes in my work and is inseparable from it.

A local self appointed “social worker” offers any help I might require for my film “legal or illegal”. A senior cop helps me shoot my film in a public place and in return, he demands that I listen to his screenplay about police encounters, where he suggests that his auto-biographical character be played by the Bollywood star Nana Patekar. Another Bollywood influenced cabbie discuses philosophy with me and surprises me with his grasp of concepts. A man meets me on the steps of a building and we spend four years building an alternative theatre movement together. A friend leaves his job at MIT to fight against Enron in India, almost successfully for four long years of frustration, pressure and threat calls; broke, founds a software company, gets wrongly sued by an American company for a random figure of a billion dollars. A friend of a friend wins a case at the Supreme Court and gets the government release his anti-government film on National Television and even gets them to pay for it.

Everybody carries a story and every story changes yours. Because of the sheer number of trajectories, it is impossible to trace back the line of causality. The butterfly effect in a city like Mumbai has its very own karmic complexity. In my first film, a young man in his haste to go out, shouts at his mother and appreciates his brother’s painting, setting off two cycles of hate and love that pass from one character to another in a domino effect, eventually both affecting his own life. In another story, a man learns from his wife the recipe of a chocolate pudding, which he requests to be engraved on his tombstone after having safeguarded it all his life, a chef reads the recipe, makes the pudding for a guest, the guest gives the pudding away to a poor kid, who finds will to draw that night and gets picked up by an art curator driving past. The two films are highly simplified versions of my concept of karmic causality. The city is constantly giving the answers and I am trying to get my questions right.

 The questions of philosophy rose by children that even scholars fail to answer. The city incessantly confronts me with ethical, epistemological and aesthetic problems that I can only begin to understand by laying them out in my work. The great fifteenth century Indian poet Kabeer used to stand amidst the town market and mock it. Zen master Kakuan’s tenth bull depicts a master with his wine bottle in the market. In my more reclusive teenage days I used to fancy myself to be Kabeer or Kakuan, living in the heart of this market of a city, and yet, blessed with objectivity. Renunciation has often been, for me, a reaction to fulfillment. Besides the problem of the ownership of responsibility in an interwoven causality, renunciation has been a central philosophical problem in most of my work.

 “On getting shot at,

The first one cried “Rama”

The second one cried “Mao”

The third one cried “Potato”

The postmortem report informs that the first two had their bellies full.”

This small piece by one of my most favourite Hindi poets Sarveshwar Dayal Saxena reflects the lack of a strong collective introspection in India. It becomes, for me, the defining problem of art in Mumbai. When all production is intended to meet the basic needs, all intellectual problems become secondary. Any civilization needs the “potato” in place before it can hope to start wondering about the more abstract problems of life. The central epitome of art for mass consumption in India – Bollywood – is this potato. For me, it’s impossible to think of the culture of Mumbai and not think of Bollywood.

Like most of my peers, I have been brought up on an overdose of Bollywood. My mother and my grandmother are hardcore theatre, pop literature and cinema buffs. My grandmother had even led a campaign against a writer of a weekly magazine fiction series for having shuffled off the protagonist's mortal coil. The campaign came full circle when a trash, but highly popular soap opera I wrote became front page news – a fan allegedly got a heart attack after watching an episode where the protagonist of the show was killed. In both the cases, of course, the characters had to be brought back to amnesic life following an overwhelming public demand.

India is probably the only country in which even the most serious newspapers carry entertainment news so often on the front page. We are a people defined by our need to be entertained – the need to have a song for every possible emotion and idea, and the need to dance, though quite unlike in the Indian films. When a friend from Vancouver visited me in Mumbai, she was actually surprised that Indians do not break out in song and dance routines like they do in Bollywood musicals all the time. The kitsch mindlessness and ridicule inviting naivety of Hindi mainstream cinema maybe a thing of novelty for the West, but Mumbaikars take their cinema to the heart. So did I, and everyone I knew, as a kid.

My mother had given a local tailor some canvas to stitch three bags for us. I was eight and went along with her to get the bags. The tailor said that he had run out of canvas after making two bags. My mother flared up, searched his home and found a schoolbag he had made for his daughter from our canvas. She tore it up and demanded that he stitch a bag for us from it. I was very sad to see her like this. I recalled film after film where the evil landlord humiliates the poor farmer, whose only “sin” is his poverty. Back home, I confronted my mom, and she gave me my first anti-film analysis. My voluntary suspension of disbelief had been challenged and I understood that things are always much more complex than Amitabh Bacchan insists they are.

Indian mainstream cinema is largely commendable for its secularism and its role in nation building. Most Indian names have meanings and it doesn’t take much time to determine one’s religion-creed-caste from one’s name. So, all the big villains of all the big productions had absurd names, not only giving them an edge, but also making it impossible to bracket them in a race or a faith. Other villains were always rich landlords or corporate giants exploiting the poor. Though it was always through the characters of the sidekicks that cumulative effect of political events were communicated in these films.

I was four when the then Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was shot down by her Sikh bodyguards in retaliation to her Operation Blue Star. I learnt that Sikhs were people with turbans and beards. That was my first taste of social prejudice and paranoia. Obviously nobody cared to explain to me the politics of the situation at that age. That it was the Sikh community that was being targeted and systematically victimized, and there was no reason to be scared of those large friendly men with turbans and beards, who drove cabs in Mumbai. I remember how I would ask my mom to take public transport instead of taking a cab when she would leave for work everyday. Thousands of innocent Sikhs were massacred post Indira Gandhi’s death in Delhi and other Northern cities. Mumbai remained unaffected, but not untouched. I got my first nightmares of riots, that later recurred throughout my life, 1993-94 bringing the scariest nightmares following the infernal riots between Hindu and Muslim communities in Mumbai.

People of Mumbai are not very good archivists. There is only one museum in the city, made invisible to public by a somebody-else’s-problem-shield. There are no art galleries with permanent exhibitions of any masterworks. No community libraries – no memorials to musicians – sculptures by modern artistes in public places are rare ever to be spotted. But turn any corner, and there are Bollywood memorials all over the place – dingy theatres, seedy film posters, struggling actors, parents wanting to see their kids on the screen. History is polished, simplified, ugly parts dramatized, uglier parts removed, accidental heroes glorified into legends, and preserved on celluloid in my city. The general idea is, “Who has ever learnt anything from history, so why try?”

Once everything about this city – from poor living conditions to badly sanitized hospitals with no slopes and lifts for the disabled – frustrated me to a state of acute depression. Surrounded with so much cruel irony, I have somehow learnt to see humour in it. I write very few stories and make fewer films. I spend most of time meeting people, traveling aimlessly through the city, sharing stories, ideas, music and art. The sheer absurdity of everyday violence of Mumbai has begun to become perversely amusing.

I have simply learnt to dodge bullets now. I get a call from a television producer offering me a show. The money is tempting – enough to buy myself an FCP Studio setup within a month. If I end up putting two years of my life into it, it can even buy me a good house, a car and a good HD camera. Confronted with this choice every time, I am not sure what it is that gives me the strength to make the difficult choice of turning it down. In my more romantic hours, I fancy it’s some internal integrity, yet unharmed by my spoilt urban needs. I know still it’s just a default decision, a survival instinct of sorts that pushes me to total inaction instead of compromised economic activity. Rather choose freedom and poverty over having to deal day after day with myopic television executives, giving portions of my life to the collective dream of McDonaldising and Walmartising India. Ideas resonate in my head. House slave versus field slave. The brown man who pulled the trigger for a meager pay from the East India Co. I am not actively political, but I definitely have no intention to help Reliance sell more crappy services to the unsuspecting kid in Jaunpur. So I politely refuse. Now, I find it difficult to get back to a story I was writing about a vegan animal rights activist confronted with the only option of taking medication tested violently on animals. I check a listings magazine to see if there’s any festival on and I take off to see a documentary about the subconscious art of graffiti removal.

 

 
     
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Cheeky Guide to Instant Art-House Success

 

Prologue

“All Artists are willing to suffer for their work. But why are so few prepared to learn how to Draw?”

– Banksy

This essay is long.

It’s highly opinioned.

It even has opinions about itself.

It’s arrogant, irreverent and generally sarcastic.

It aims to be an academic essay, but can’t be, because of the cheek.

So it aims to be cheeky.

It also aims to reason, but sometimes just runs out of patience and infers.

This prologue falls a little short of being a disclaimer.

The article is alternatively named – The Clichés of What We Know as World Cinema and of Scholarly Film Criticism and Look, I’m So Cool.

 

Chapter One – The Art House Cliché

“Where are the snake charmers? Where are the elephants?”
“In the zoos. Where do you keep them in
London?”
-
Bombay Boys

Every niche has its own cliché – it’s the stereotype that keeps the niche alive and commercially viable for artistes to cater to. So whether you are into filmmaking or film studies, you do need to acknowledge the existence of this stereotype and choose whether or not cater to it at some level. That is not to say fresh grounds cannot be broken – but to accept that it’s a phenomenon that meets any success much rarer than we’d like to imagine.

After all, how many Iranian films have you seen that are about the urban Tehranian elite and their problems – as against films about vulnerable, poor and golden hearted villagers, small-towners, and people of the working class and those living on the brink of or below the poverty line? How many Mexican or Brazilian films have you seen that are not about poor kids, repressed youth, and suppression induced crime and are not entirely or partly based in favelas? How many African films have you seen that are not about labour exploitation, AIDS, drug abuse, riots, crime, repressed tribes and are not entirely or partly based in Kibera? How many Eastern European films can you remember that are not about political or religious ideology or the fragmented / alienated lives of low income groups in a conspicuously war-ridden / post-war / communist / post-communist society?

The answer, with a few groundbreaking exceptions is generally, NONE. If there was ever a world cinema match-the-column it won’t take any self respecting cinema lover longer than it takes to say mise-en-scène to connect Palestine and Israel with the subject of Suicide Bombers and Religious / Political Introspection.

That’s not to say that other classes, types of people, cultures and their issues do not exist in these societies, nor does it mean that good films exploring these “other” subjects are not made. What it means is that Western Europe and the US are not very interested in them (an alliance that pretty much rules our imagination). All pragmatic observation clearly points to one plain fact – when it comes to the “rest-of-the-developing-world”, the West is more than mostly interested in its poor – not a real-life interest as much as the curious interest in an amusing hunger artist (an interest, it invariably and ironically, manages to rub off on the rest-of-the-world). The reason behind this fascination is an entirely separate branch of philosophical anthropology or world history (the latter largely concerns itself with invasion, imperialism, guilt and lot of QT-style blood and gore).

We’d rather limit our examination to the recipe of instant international recognition and arthouse success. You’ll find in the following chapters the right ingredients and tried and tested readymixes with straightforward microwave usage instructions.

 

Chapter Two – The Art of Flattery 

“Sir, we have a Broken Arrow situation”…
“I don’t know what’s scarier, losing a nuclear weapon or that it happens so often there’s actually a term for it.”
-
Broken Arrow

Human condition, generational conflict, minimalism, anti-plot, loss of innocence, doppelganger and identity, non-linear narrative, multi-perspective, alternative realities, collective amnesia, social schizophrenia – the very fact that these terms exist, bears witness to the fact that these themes and forms have been observed so often in films that there is a need to categorically define them.

Every time an academician invents a new term, a new phenomenon comes to existence, the same way a disease taking lives for generations only comes into existence only upon laboratory classification. Multiple observation and definition thereby makes the world of unknown suddenly accessible, understandable and therefore, manageable and no longer scary. Corollarilly, it implies that the more lexis you flex (themes, categories, genres, imagery, memes, theories, phenomena, allusions and generally interesting sounding adjectives in English language), the easier it is for you to pass off as a serious film scholar, without having to spend thousands of dollars at NYU or change your last name to Bazin.

After noticing an obvious lack of anything remotely interesting in a clearly over-celebrated film (IMDB > 7.5 / Rottentomatoes meter > 80% / Top 100 Lists / Golden Palm, Lion, Ape / Film School cult / Master Director’s new work / Acclaimed masterpiece - in its ascending order of peer pressure), you might sometimes find the honesty and instant enlightenment to see through the film’s bluff and call it so.

Sometimes, however, you might just be too scared to be honest or too unsure or both, and left with only one option – to lie – for all you know, you are just a part of the emperor’s vast audience and they’ve all sung songs about his new invisible-to-others clothes. So you won’t be able to get away by just lying and calling it “awesome”, oh no. You’ll have to talk about its visual poetry; hunt for three shot sets of sequences to call them haikus or compare its broken imagery to the poetry of T S Elliot, look up the net to find if the acting style is Noh or Kabuki, neo-realist or if it has roots in the French revolution. Is the form Brechtian? Goethian? Kafkaesque? Self-reflexive? Is it structured like a fugue? Or simply go for extremely generic and cool sounding infallible terms like “meditative” and “introspective”. You might want to talk about the myopia induced by social alienation in a post-war / post-industrialisation urban setup.

You’ll have to intimidate your readers / friends into believing that what they saw as illogical, stupid, regressive, pointless, or out rightly boring is actually the deeply self analytical nature of this redemptive deconstructive examination of the human condition.

Here’s a cookbook of some readymade phrases that you can freely plagiarise in your critiques, using a little common sense and a little Wikipedia –

Urban dystopia, social collective memory versus individual perception and the fickleness of both, loss of innocence and alienation, toll of war and isolation, poetic imagery, human frailty, soulful examination, moral code, ethereal atmosphere, eviscerating intensity, understated beauty, profound insight, impossible to describe with words, intimate, intensely personal film on the process of healing and catharsis, dark comedy about obsession, revenge, redemptive drama, replete with subtle irony, cerebral and not corporal, poignant and heartbreaking portrait, haunting exploration of, paradoxical, self-reflexive, profoundly moving testament, allegorical, metaphorical, momentary abstraction, hyperbolic character study, chiaroscuro, mise-en-scene, montage, catharsis, doppelganger, dénouement, intelligent, comprehensive, deconstructive, postmodern, idiosyncratic, magical realism, collective amnesia, articulate, fluid, lucent, illuminating critical evaluation, contemplative introspection of the subversive, transgressive, confrontational, and provocative…

You won’t be surprised when people will start noticing things that even the makers failed to.

 

Chapter Three – The Choices

“There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they have never happened before.”

- Willa Cather

And so do camera angles, montage techniques, narrative forms, acting styles, etc. Innovation is the most abused term in the English language after love. Conformation is often mistaken as innovation – conformation to the norms of alternative, independent or high art so that the elite audiences of these arts can easily decode it and appreciate it and pride themselves for being among the very few connoisseurs with the ability to do so.

Yet every once in a while a filmmaker writes in a handwriting so refreshing that it feels like a new language that we can immediately speak. Yes, reinvention is always possible. The same overused themes are revisited with such brilliance of craft and mastery of art that your temporary suspension of disbelief threatens to take over your permanent world view – and sometimes it does! Unfortunately, genius is an item number played not to often. Found often is a code of symbols taught by artistes over years, till the audiences no longer require the babel fish of an analyst in their ear for comprehension. Code becomes language and a pattern emerges…

Themes

Repression, suppression, exploitation, poverty, violence, handicap, the human condition; loss of innocence, the toll of war, the holocaust, the apartheid, communist censorship; memory, perception, illusion v/s reality, amnesia, schizophrenia; alienation, isolation, ennui; generational conflict, renewal, fate, chance, co-incidence, redemption and religious fundamentalism.

Subjects

Terrorists with histories, the spirited otherly abled, incest, child abuse, dysfunctional families, racism, immigrants, displaced peoples, depression, lots of pointless sex shot extremely naturally and casually, criminals produced by social forces, suppressed poor with golden hearts and nowhere to escape, the alienated, urban dystopias, the choice of one’s sexuality, schizophrenia, amnesia, dreams, an artiste’s introspection, identity and identity crisis, teenage confusion, teenage angst, Nazism and the holocaust, aprtheid, riots, the two world wars, wars, tryst with death, the chaos theory, generational conflict, religious motifs, religious allusions and imperialism.

The Script

No or very little dialogue, Non-linear narrative, Multi-plots, Multi-narrator narratives, Flashbacks and flashforwards, Self-reflexivity, Ambiguous endings, Extremely cynical endings, Multiple / alternative endings, Obvious irony, Parallels – characters and stories, Stream of consciousness, Uninhibited use of expletives, Film within film, Delusions – dreams, hallucinations and lies, Pretentious poetry, Ponderous absurd dialogue, Random conversation, Alternative possibilities…

Cinematography & Editing

Shot in black and white; high contrasts; obvious colour tints; story specific colour tints in case of multi-plots, low key lighting, long deliberately boring shots with nothing happening for a long time; tracking shots of the character just walking, long pans / POV revolving pans encompassing all elements of the environment in the shot – the wilderness, the empty spaces, the concrete jungles, etc. – sometimes, before finally making the character enter his / her own POV; long mildly smoky close-ups; jump cuts, montage sequences, time lapse sequences, visual metaphors…

Acting

Deliberately underplayed poignant expressions; Lots of pregnant pauses; Exchanges of meaningful looks between characters; Meaningful looks used as a device to get rid of dialogue; Exaggerated theatre forms with roots in exotic regional cultures; Bad acting covered up by calling it a deliberate experiment…

Casting and make-up

Weirdly handsome men; Unconventionally beautiful women; High cheekbones; A mild stubble; Deliberate uglyfying of otherwise beautiful people with make-up.

One can go on and find many such repeated motifs in other aspects of films as well – for example, the other day when I was watching a film about suicide bombers with my friends, we unanimously predicted that the blast in the end will be depicted with an abrupt silence and a blank screen – and eureka! It did!

 

Chapter Four – The Four Varnas

“Mera naam Phoolan hai, bhenchod! (My name is Phoolan, sister-fucker!)”
– Bandit Queen

There are four broad subject categories (The Divided, The Downtrodden, the Divine and Bollywood) for Indian films that will definitely receive a Western nod:

The Downtrodden: The mother of all clichés – the Holy Grail of the Indian arthouse export – the staple diet of world cinema – infallible, if politically correct and emotionally manipulative enough, its success resting in the extremely perverted human need to feel sorry! Social repression, abject poverty, drug abuse, exploitation, reaction, low income groups, the handicapped, slum dwellers, orphans, sex workers, child labour, child abuse victims, people living below the poverty line, criminals produced by social forces, repressed castes, repressed sexualities, eunuchs, rape victims, the marginalized, the under privileged, the suppressed, the ultimate underdog. – some examples – Salaam Bombay, Bandit Queen, Water, Fire, Dharavi, Meghe Dhaka Taara, Bhavni Bhavai, Ankur.

The Divided: Religious fundamentalism, social division, partition, riots, class politics, terrorism, racism, casteism, victims of the state, social reform activism, religious orthodoxy v/s spiritual renewal. A sub-category of this genre works very well among the Indian arthouse audiences, but not as much abroad – Political divisions –Corruption v/s integrity, idealism v/s reality, communism v/s state supported capitalist forces, labour v/s factory owners, etc. – some examples – Khamosh Paani (Pakistan), Train to Pakistan, Drohkaal, The Terrorist, Parzania, Fire, Black Friday.

The Divine: Spiritual exotica (and erotica) and cultural Exotica – Kamasutra, Khajuraho, Himalayas, Dharmashala, Ladakh, yoga, kumbh melas, colourful melas, karma, reincarnation, Krishna, Buddha, Shiva, ritualistic theatre, the old order, mythological renderings, kitsch art (truck art, firecracker package art, matchbox art), folk music, rajasthani deserts, benares, the Ganges, spiritual journeys – Siddhartha, Kamasutra, The Warrior (UK), Samsara, Utsav, Himalayas, Ayurveda.

Bollywood: Bollywood as we understand it and as the West perceives it are two different things. It’s the amusement from the entirely brainless and the novelty of the entirely pointless, out right stupid and yet, so uninhibited and celebrative, that fascinates them. Smart Indians have cashed on the kitschy fad and made the song and dance routine more accessible to the West – either by spoofing or referring. Eg. Slumdog Millionaire, Monsoon Wedding, Bollywood Hollywood, Bend it Like Beckham, Bride and Prejudice, Bombay Boys, Bollywood Calling.

 

Dénouement

“Everything in this book could be wrong.”

– Richard Bach

 

 
     
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Man Who Flew Too Much

The woman had claimed that she could bend spoons just by staring at them for long enough. She had distributed fluorescent green and pink pamphlets with a halftone print of Uri Geller’s hand holding a bent spoon. Stapled to each pamphlet was a photocopy of an article about her that had appeared recently in a local ball bearing trade tabloid that enjoyed a small but loyal readership of around thirteen hundred and twenty four patrons. Not even the lady with clairvoyant claims would ever notice the strange coincidence that it was 13:24 sharp when Tagore Shah took the gaudy pamphlet from the clumsy anorexic girl standing outside the newly (and to many, magically) sprung up McDonald’s. Tagore could have sworn that just a couple of days ago there was no sign of any construction in this corner of the town, where he would often stop to eavesdrop on the conspiracy theories of old stamp collectors and watch repairers.

Nicole had been asked to move twice before she handed the pamphlet to the guy she saw as a potential boyfriend. Once by the staff who took her for some activist giving out What’s-Wrong-with-McDonald’s pamphlets. Luckily for her, the manager turned out to be a parapsychology enthusiast (and another potential boyfriend). Secondly by a ten year old photographing his friend posing next to Ronald McDonald’s mannequin. They were planning to upload this picture for a Nokia teenager online photo competition (The theme given to participants was “Alienation”). A handsome man in his early thirties had come from nowhere and had said to the kids in a clear voice, “Can you sing?” The one who nodded went along with the man, joined an avant garde theatre movement, studied classical music for eight years, only to reject it completely later in life as a mega hoax, traveled to forty six countries including a disillusioning month on Pitcairn islands, lent his voice to a film by Chris Marker, tried only three sex positions with the many women he made love to throughout his life, never found any true companionship, died an absolute pauper with pancreaitis (doctors at the government run hospital couldn’t locate his pancreas till his last), got published posthumously only to be roasted by critics as sophomoric and accidentally rediscovered twenty-eight years later by a blog literature critic running against a deadline to finish his thesis on non-scientific fiction that adopted a form suited for blog literature long before it’s advent into the international literary scene (A fan quoted from the book in her suicide note, “Even new houses have holes folks and shadows are commonplace in poorly lit spaces”).

“Why the fuck would you ever be interested in an old balance sheet of a rubber recycling company based in Jamshedhpur?” Tagore’s friend and roommate had once tried to reason with him, frustrated with his habit of hoarding pamphlets and brochures with the zest of a collector.

“I just might be,” was his simple retort.

“Then there’s internet.”

“Yeah sure! You don’t get things like these over the internet. And if you do, it’s thanks to people like me. I am not a hoarder, I am an archivist.” Two hours down the argument they were fighting over their interpretations of an obscure ending of an indie psychological thriller they saw the other day at the local film club. The original subject of contention was obviously forgotten.

Tagore recalled this argument as he took the spoon-bending seminar pamphlet from Nicole. What’s so wrong in being interested in everything, he thought. Once in a lifetime, everybody takes up something that they don’t follow up. Like guitars people buy when young hoping to learn to play someday and then go missing with sea shell collections and old love letters.

“Have you seen Melancholy Whores of Rushdie?” The memory of the argument rekindled Tagore’s unexhausted thirst for decrypting the resolution of the film.

“Oh, I loved it.” Nicole was happily surprised with the ice breaker.

“Did you get the end?”

“Yeah, I guess it was quite obvious.”

“Obvious?”

“The clue lies in the title of the film. Rushdie... Marquez... transfer of credits?”

“No but...” Tagore took another moment. “No! Oh damn! That’s so fucking obvious! Wow, did you figure it out?”

“Yeah.”

A few months later as they would lie spooning after going three times in a row, Nicole would tell him about times when she had lied to him. “I’d picked that from IMDB,” she would say about her first lie.

----

His knowledge of the Chinese occupation of Tibet was based entirely on his encounters with a Tibetan revolutionary poet who ran a Chinese food stall in the new extension of the old khau gully. Like all other stalls in the gully, Rinpoche’s Chinese boasted of variety. There was a Chinese Pasta and there was even a Chinese Pasta Dosa – a treat that, Tagore was quite certain, was available neither in China, nor in Italy, nor in Chennai.

 

 

 

 
     
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Random Encounter no.28

My friend, the vampire, was mourning the mass disappearance of all his maternal relatives. I had offered my condolences almost as if assuming responsibility for the massacre. Now would not be a good time to ask him a question that had just popped up in my mind today morning as I stood cleaning yet another mosquito bite on the same spot of my hand that had been bit several times before.

“It’s ok. Go ahead.” The vampire, the philosopher, the clairvoyant knew. Not always, though. Sometimes he’d have to ask. Sometimes he’d be wrong.

“Why is it that you folks never took up to blogging?”

There was no need to contextualise. The way he prepared for his answer was indication enough that he understood what I meant.

“Since the moment of our inception, the key to our immortality, like that of gods, demons, ghosts and aliens alike, has lied not only in human imagination, paranoia or lack of responsibility, but also in the fear of being the only one out there in the mind boggingly infinite universe,” He, like most of his race, was used to over-simplifying things. Being around for as long as they do, they lose interest in details, belief in grayscales, love for complexity and assume a passion for melodramatic soliloquies that only immortality can offer. I opened my platinum case lined with foam and black velvet from within and started assembling my syringe. He continued as I stuck the needle in my left arm and pulled at the syringe–

“We always updated ourselves, adapting to the times. We had to camouflage and fit in. We learnt, built businesses, empires, penetrated politics, led human armies to wars just in order to survive. All this while, our human subjects kept us alive in their mythology, spoken, written or painted in blood. With our evolution, came our own fall. Our evolved minds could no longer accept our violent ways of life. The greatest amongst us enlightened us to paths leading to anonymity, tranquil and finally, Disappearance. For human blood, first we hunted for philosophical loopholes and alibis, then for willing donors and now my kind is always in search of gentlemen like you. It’s humans who gradually lost interest in our myth and hence, no blogging.”

I liked the way he called me a gentleman. It reminded of a few days ago when somebody had called me a brat.

I handed him the freshly filled bottle of blood. His “thank you” was drowned by the overwhelming gratitude he felt. He advised that I count the five bundles of hundred rupee notes before putting them in my recycled brown paper bag. He always advised that and I always thought of it as rhetoric.

“See you soon,” I said as I got down his boat.

“I hope not,” he said as he signaled his men to release the anchor.

On my way back home, I wondered why he had chosen me for business. He wouldn’t have any difficulty finding many willing to sell blood for much cheaper. There would be many willing to give it away merely for the hope of being bitten someday in future. I guess it’s because he has a need to be intellectually understood. Or maybe to live a little longer through my storytelling. Or maybe because I would have agreed to offer it to him for free if he had asked for it without any aspirations of getting a tooth favour on my neck. The mosquito, me and the vampire – three stages of parasitical advancement, I thought.

 

 
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Man Who Flew Too Much - Part I

Here's the first part of the first draft of a video essay I am setting out to make. It's a 90 minute performance piece. The actor goes into a fit of uncontrollable rambling and subject hopping...

All of us, at some point, share the universal feeling of feeling thirsty and wanting to pee at the same time. I wonder why the internal parts of this body mechanism can’t settle it amidst themselves. One part wants water and the other wants to flush it out. And how about feeling thirsty when chlorinated water adamantly stays stuck in your ears after having taken a dip in the pool? That itself should be proof enough that there is no God. Natural selection is still constantly learning at a fast pace of one lesson per billion years. At what point, I wonder, natural selection chose to perceive images through light-reflection over echolocation. It’s interesting to imagine that bats actually “visualise” through echolocation… they do not approximate… they “see” through sound. Colours and shapes are just codes corresponding to wave lengths of light and trajectories of reflection. A wavelength of 400 nm is seen as violet by the mind and a wavelength of 650 nm seen as red. Similarly, colours can be encoding wavelengths of sound in bats. Did the route of natural selection that eventually led to homo-sapiens ever come across the migratory birds’ ability to perceive earth’s magnetic field to stay their course during long flights. The birds perceive the earth’s magnetic fields as bands of colours. But besides natural selection, there is genetic drift to account for as well. It has been discovered that in the brains of the blind, the visual cortex has not become useless, as they once believed. When blind people use another sense -- touch or hearing, for example -- to substitute for sight, the brain's visual cortex becomes active, even though no images reach it from the optic nerve. Echolocation creates its own images. There are examples of Daniel Kish and Ben Underwood, both blind, who use echoes of sounds to navigate through the world. Kish leads other blind people on mountain biking tours and hikes in the wilderness, visualizing and describing the picturesque sights around him through echolocating. And there are people like Ingrid Carey who have a rare neurological condition called synesthesia, allowing them to actually feel colours. She tastes, hears and smells colours. Numbers and letters, sensations and emotions, days and months are all associated with colors for Carey. Number 2 for her is green and orange is her colour of pain. It is believed that the migratory birds have this neurological ability as well. The birds that look dull to us might have a plumage radiant of near ultra-violet, or a skin texture reflecting sound in a certain unique way associated to a certain radiant colour that the female of their species can get attracted to. That takes me to another fundamental question. The perception of pleasure and pain. Why are some things perceived by the brain as pleasure and some perceived otherwise? Is pleasure an in built incentive for a life form to aid survival, continuation and evolution? Common observation shows us that food and sex provide maximum pleasure for most people. Evolution doesn’t necessarily always promote or guarantee adaptation or survival. For instance, when nutrients run low, individual myxobacteria (slime bacteria) may come together to form a fruiting body to produce spores. Lab studies have shown that cheating myxobacteria that only produce spores and never help form the non-spore producing parts of the fruiting body can drive populations to extinction. Humans can choose not to reproduce and thus eliminate their genes from the gene pool. The notion that human brain is fittest for survival turns around with the emotional complexity that comes along with an evolved brain. One can argue that the human choice of not reproducing can still be aiding the survival and continuation of life on the planet, after all. This could also be one of the explanations of acts of charity where an individual puts social and collective interest over self interest. Why doesn’t evolution discourage suicide? I wonder if any animals apart from human beings commit suicide. Suicide should be defined as a premeditated anticipated act of self destruction. Dogs are known to starve themselves to death on separation from their loved ones. Scorpions are known to do anomalous action of biting itself to death in very high temperatures. Soldier sterile termites blow themselves up so the enemies get stuck in their goo. Stinger bees die of the injury from stinger amputation that happens after they sting. Are these animals aware of the ultimate effect of their actions? I think not. “There is only one true philosophical problem, and that is suicide.” That was Camus. It has inspired me to give a lot of thought to suicide, aging, death, evolution and pain. Back to my original question. Why are pink and sky blue such pleasant colours for children? Is it social conditioning or a rather “purer” physical attraction? How does a radiant plumage on the head of the male bird translate as better genetic condition and better opportunity of survival and reproduction in the brain of the female bird? In humans, the plumage is replaced by Prada. I had once worked for an idea company. It was a company that sourced ideas from all over, patented them for the creator, pitched the ideas and profited from the commissions earned from realised ideas. My idea was software for cellphones. You fill up an exhaustive form asking you all sorts of questions about yourself when you buy the software. It’s a really long questionnaire and it would take you at least a couple of hours to fill it up. You are questioned about everything from your political inklings to your favourite authors to your tastes and ideas. This information is encoded and installed in your phone software, that is linked to the universal server. Now each time you cross somebody sharing your interests or ideas or having interests in allied disciplines, both your phones beep and the shared connections are highlighted on your phone. The software ensures that you don’t cross your potential “soulmate” at a mall or on a plane and lose the opportunity. It can act as a great ice breaker. “Oh, you like Borges? I love Marquez.” Or “Oh, you are a trolley driver? I am a philosopher. I have a problem for you.” Or “So, you are schizophrenic, eh? Sad. Have you always been a large rabbit?” What is with rabbits and schizophrenia? Look at Harvey, Alice in Wonderland… In Watership Down, rabbits can count up to four and anything more than four is too many for a rabbit. Is it true that rabbits fuck a lot?

Car honks are shrieks of frustration, it’s a demonstration of masculinity and speeding is a call for mating. Why is it that young people speed and the elderly drive slowly? The elderly don’t have much time left on their hands, so they should be speeding. Cops should have an age detector with their radars… they see a car crossing the speed limit, they should be able to go, “oh, but she is an old granny, she doesn’t have much time left now, does she?” Slowing down a granny is like giving an ambulance a speeding ticket. Zeno argues that motion unexists. He gives us the Achilles’ paradox. Achilles, ten times faster than the turtle challenges the turtle to a running race. And the turtle is like, “what’s the point dude, you are ten times faster than me… it’s obvious you are going to win, go play with an equal!” So Achilles makes him an offer he can’t refuse. He gives the turtle a head start of 100 meters in the 120 meters race. He starts running when the turtle is already at 100 meters. By the time he crosses the 100 meters, the turtle has gone ahead by 10 meters. When Achilles crosses those 10 meters, the turtle has gone further ahead by a meter. Achilles crosses the meter and the turtle is now ahead by 10 cms. Achilles 10 cms, turtle ahead by a cm, A crosses 1 cm, turtle ahead by a mm, A crosses the mm, the turtle is ahead by 0.1 mm, A crosses 0.1, T is ahead by 0.01… so on and so forth. Achilles shall never be able to overtake the turtle. Though by definition, it’s a trick paradox… Achilles should be happily overtaking the turtle at 111.11111 metres in the race… There is a modern variation of Zeno’s paradox… Thomson’s Lamp… Consider a lamp with a toggle switch. Flicking the switch once turns the lamp on. Another flick will turn the lamp off. Now suppose a being able to perform the following task: starting a timer, he turns the lamp on. At the end of one minute, he turns it off. At the end of another half minute, he turns it on again. At the end of another quarter of a minute, he turns it off. At the next eighth of a minute, he turns it on again, and he continues thus, flicking the switch each time after waiting exactly one-half the time he waited before flicking it previously. The cumulative sum of all these progressively smaller times is exactly two minutes. The following questions are then considered: Is the lamp on or off after exactly two minutes? Is the lamp switch on or off after exactly two minutes? Would it make any difference if the lamp had started out being on, instead of off? Or a more existential question like would it make any difference at all if you figured this out, if there wasn’t a switch to flick, if there wasn’t a lamp or if there wasn’t a you? It’ll be naïve to limit the theoretical paradox by a physical imposition like the speed of light or the time it takes for one to toggle the switch. One of the interesting problems of the infinite is at what point does finite become infinite. Galileo put infinity in a funny way. "Though most numbers are not squares, there are no more numbers than squares." At what point does the explicable become the absurd? The strict parameters of vagueness. The ship wherein Theseus and the youth of Athens returned had thirty oars, and was preserved by the Athenians for centuries, for they took away the old planks as they decayed, putting in new and stronger timber in their place. The ship was replaced part by part over the centuries. The logical question that arises now is whether it’s still the Theseus’ Ship or is it a new ship? John Locke (a 17th Century English writer) proposed a scenario regarding a favorite sock that develops a hole. He pondered whether the sock would still be the same after a patch was applied to the hole. If yes, then, would it still be the same sock after a second patch was applied? Indeed, would it still be the same sock many years later, even after all of the material of the original sock has been replaced with patches? There are many other variations. There is George Washinton’s axe. The blade of the axe has been replaced a few times and the handle has been replaced a few times as well. Is it still the same axe? A corollary could be… what happens if the replaced parts were used to build a second axe. Which, if either, is the original Washington’s axe? Tin Woodman is a lumberjack replaced part by part into an entirely mechanical being. His discarded limbs become a part of the composite man, Chopfyt. Jules Verne alludes to this paradox in Dr. Ox’s Experiment. In the van Tricasse's family, since 1340, each time one of the spouses died the other remarried with someone younger, who took the family name. Thus the family can be said to have been a single marriage lasting through centuries, rather than a series of generations.Girish Karnad’s Hayavadana adds another interesting dimension to this paradox. An athlete forms the third corner of a love triangle with his best friend, an intellectual and the intellectual’s plain wife. The intellectual sacrifices his head at a Mahakali temple, the athlete comes looking for him… freaks out on finding him dead, and chops his own head off in social fear.And then comes the woman… before she can chop any more heads and add to the mess, Goddess Kali comes to life and gives her a boon. She is now to place the amputated heads of the men back on their torsos. She keeps her eyes closed from fear and disgust and ends up replacing the wrong heads on the wrong bodies. So now there is one person with the athlete’s body and the intellectual’s head and the other with the athlete’s head on the intellectual’s body. Here, the writer considers this question: Which, if either, of the men, can claim fatherhood to the child in the woman’s womb?

(Musings on womb and cocoon and butterflies. Compound eyes. Moths. Transformation. Silence of the Lambs poster. Dali’s painting of the skull used in the poster. The skull itself is made of women. Optical illusions. The physics of illusion – using the patterns of perception and twisting them. Some great concepts of magic. Magical engineering. The Turk. Turing test. Our fascination with anomalies. Freaks. Dane Arbus.)

Miracles, rarities, dreams, freaks are fascinating, enthralling, riveting. Order brings a sense of security. Chaos is a show one would rather watch from a distant seat of causality. If a monkey was to smash the keys of a typewriter randomly, the chances of him ending up writing Hamlet are one in infinite. Hell, the chances of a super computer fed with all the words and rules of grammar producing even a page of Hamlet, are one in infinite. But it’s exactly the kind of thing one would love to witness. Throw a handful of grain randomly on a patch and you don’t need to be a math genius to know that the probability of the grains falling to arrange themselves in the shape of your face is one in zillions. The chance of the unique four letter DNA words that made the exact sonnet that is you? I wish all my ideas will arrange themselves and connect in a way that makes perfect sense, with a nice moral to take away – the way we arrange our memories and inferences to make sense of our present. If you were told that the magician pulling a rabbit out of the hat is not a trick, how would you believe something like that, and if you did, won’t you freak out? Why is it that we like to be told again and again that there is only one true love? I don’t know if there are any monkeys that wrote Hamlet or if there are any handful of grains that made Mona Lisas, but there are some funny absurd songs and some pretty interesting patterns out there. And there are those of us who are as excited about that unique one-in-a-million pattern that doesn’t make a recognisable design as we would be about the one that does.

(Some random ideas about patterns. The use of pattern and colour in culture. Patti Bellantoni's pop thesis "If it's purple somebody's going to die"... If it's pink somebody's going to be beaten up in the case of Rajasthan's Gulaabi Gang of women, dressed in pink, armed with rolling pins, beat up wife abusers... collective enlightenment and economy)

Yeah, so I was telling you about deficit financing. Apparently there is an international law that allows governments to print up extra currency to fill up deficits. It’s some kind of a complex economics – how will they maintain rates of exchange, and what if a government does it furtively? Etc. There was a time in the 90s when you needed a government license to own a colour laser or colour digital printer. Not for your inkjet ones, but for the professional ones. The government was apparently quite paranoid about them. They feared that people will start printing money from their homes. Around the same time I had attended this exhibition at Jehangir. It was quite mediocre. It’s amazing how the most important gallery of the city exhibits the most mediocre of artists. Anyways, why did I bring up Jehangir? Yeah, the currency exhibition. So this artist had painted Indian currency to the minutest detail. From a foot away, it was impossible to tell that the notes were counterfeit. It was good craft, not art. The artist told me that he had cut special size brushes for the detailing. By the way, brushes made from sable and hog hair contribute in a major way to the economics of slaughterhouses. Did you know that pharmacy is the prima-mover of slaughterhouses, meat is a secondary product? I hate it when people leave their meat on the plate. At least, finish your meal! Somebody died for it! Do you remember that scene in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe when they meet the Dish of the Day. It’s a dairy animal that is genetically engineered to want to be eaten. "I just don't want to eat an animal that's standing here inviting me to," said Arthur, "it's heartless." "Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten," said Zaphod. And then there was – "Something off the shoulder perhaps?" suggested the animal, "Braised in a white wine sauce?" "Er, your shoulder?" said Arthur in a horrified whisper. "But naturally my shoulder, sir," mooed the animal contentedly, "nobody else's is mine to offer." Such complex problems in ethic dealt with such imagination and humour. DNA was discovered a year after DNA was born and he died at the age of 49, seven years after 42. That’s the beauty of it. Dying at 49 is as inexplicable and as random as 42. A physicist friend was telling me the other day about a brainstorming session she was having with her professor and colleagues, and it’s interesting how the line between modern theoretical physics and philosophical abstraction is almost blurred. At one point the professor goes, “I guess there’s only one explanation – 42”. Even modern scientific thought can be as worryingly limiting as religious cosmology. The monotheism of big bang and singularity, for example. A more open thought, I feel, is the idea of multiple and simultaneous big bangs. I checked out the pilot episode of this sitcom called the Big Bang theory on the recommendation of a teenager. He finds the show hilarious. He reads Nietzsche, attends skiing camps in Switzerland, listens to hard metal, writes poetry about freedom of thought, etc… One of those kids… It was such an unimaginative show! The characters are cardboard cutouts, and their jokes are as flat as dimensions of M-theory. Where do you stand on the string theory? Copying, duplication, imitation of the product is a punishable offence is replaced by "This product at a microscopic level might be made of strings. Manufacturer will prosecute to the maximum extent of the copyright law any attempt to make a supersymmetric version.” Have you heard this one? How many string theorists does it take to change the light bulb? Two – one to hold the bulb and the other to turn the universe around.